1. Bro’s before ho’s -The bond between two men is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, men are stronger than women. That’s just science.

2. A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.

4. A Bro never divulges the existence of the Bro Code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason…no, not even that reason. -If you are a woman reading this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math.

6. A Bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Bros in a gym locker room -If a Bro gets naked in the locker room, all other Bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while, at the same time, immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage: “If a towel drops to the floor, so should your eyes.”

12. Bros do not share desert.

13. All Bros shall dub one of their Bros wingman.

15. A Bro never dances with his hands above his head.

22. There is no law that prohibits a woman from bing a Bro. – Women make excellent Bros. Why? Because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that compise the chick code.

34. Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil’s threeway.

38. Even in a fight to the death, a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.

43. A Bro loves his country, unless that country is America.

58. A Bro doens’t grow a mustache. Exception: When shaving, it’s more than okay for a Bro to keep the whiskers around his mouth until the end so that he might temporarily experiment with different facial hair configurations Exception: Tom Selleck.

69. Duh.

72. A Bro never spell checks.

77. Bros don’t cuddle.

78. A Bro shall never rack jack* his wingman. *To steal your wingman’s chick. Big-time no-no -To commemorate and solidify the unbreakable bond between Bro and wingman, it is recommended that before going out, each face the other, place his left hand on The Bro Code, raise his right hand, and recites the Wingman Pledge. [i may post this later]

81. A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.

86. When a Bro meets a chick, he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale before pursuing her.

90. A Bro shows up at another Bro’s party with at least one more unit of alcohol than he plans to drink. So if a Bro plans on chugging a six-pack, he shall bring a six-pack plus at least one can of beer. If the party sucks and/or there are too many dudes, the Bro is entitled to leave with his alcohol, thougth etiquette dictates he should wait until nobody is looking

93. Bros don’t speak French to one another.

99. A Bro never asks for directions when lost. Exceptions -A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick who seems to know the area. -A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if she also appears lost. -A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if he’s not lost at all.

103. A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgear plan and sticks with it.

104. The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates and/or is wearing at least one article of leopart print clothing…provided she looks good in it…but not if she smokes menthol cigarettes.

108. If a Bro forgets a guys name, he may call him ‘bra,’ ‘dude,’ or ‘man,’ but never ‘Bro.’

112. A Bro doesn’t sing along to music in a bar. Exception – A Bro may participate in karaoke Exception to Exception -No chick songs

115. A ‘clothing optional’ beach doesn’t really mean ‘clothing optional ‘ for Bros.

120. A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name Exception – If a Bro’s last name is also a racial epithet.

122. A Bro is always psyched. Always.

125. If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in the Bro Train, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a funny joke.

133. A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro. Exeption: “Pull my finger”

137. When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros.

138. A real Bro doesn’t laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin. Exeption: unless he doesn’t know the guy.

142. A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.

143. When executing a high five, a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers or grasping his Bro’s hand.

145. A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text, or e-mail in a timely fashion.

147. If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro’s back. Exeptions: -If his Bro has picked a fight with a scary-looking guy. -If this is the third fight (or more) his Bro has gotten into that week. -If the Bro has a note from a physician exusing him from having anybody’s back.

148. A Bro doesn’t listen to chick music…in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyche, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.

149. A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars.

150. No sex with your Bro’s ex. -It is never, ever permissible for a Bro to sleep with his Bro’s ex. Violating this code is worse than killing a Bro.